“Everything takes time. Bees have to move very fast to stay still.”

-David Foster Wallace

I feel like the bee so often. Moving fast but remaining in place-or everything is moving past while I seem to be standing still. I haven't been painting or cycling as much as I would like. Travel and small spaces seem to interfere with all of that and maybe it's all an excuse not to open myself up and be vulnerable. Painting does that to you. And biking long distances take all the time in the world and all your energy so there is hardly anything left for anything else or anyone else. But my love for it is there always. Sometimes I'm afraid of standing still too long; afraid people will notice the fears, the apprehensions, and doubts. The life of an adventurer is full of vulnerable moments, hopefully with little regret. You get used to making quick decisions, bored by the day to day things like a lease. You look forward to mountains and trails, sunrises and sunsets, roads that go to nowhere. You miss the dirt and sweat. Your GPS suddenly malfunctions and your heart drops because you're stuck on a dirt road with no road signs in the middle of Mississippi yet you relish the danger of it. The not knowing and being lost in all this beauty. I miss those days so often lately though there is a part of me that is ready to be settled. To have a back yard garden full of nourishment I grew myself. A room with a bed instead of a bed roll. A studio to spend long hours wasting paint. I'm realizing that this is life. Full of detours and failing GPS signals. The only thing left to do is to hold on and enjoy it as much as possible.